Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Day 353...

Grief sucks.

ridiculous. lingering. threatening.
tears surprise me; melancholy sweeps in and knocks the wind out of me when I least expect it.

goodbye makes me angry...

This has been a hard post for me. I've been writing bits and pieces and then mulling over them for a week now. Today I decided to just write and let it go where it wants to go.

In July I received a phone call from one of my dearest friends...that one of our dearest friends had passed away.

I'm not okay.

I miss my friend.

I miss him. his handwritten letters. phone calls. emails. texts. I miss the gentle cadence of his voice when he would read his poetry to me. I miss hours of conversation over coffee. I miss his vibrance. his zest. his love of humanity. his desire to learn everything.

He was an incredible human. He was flawed and perfect. he was rebellious. gifted. charming.

Like most of us, he hit rock bottom. a few times. and each time, he rose from the ashes of his past. made himself new...better. stronger.

Last Wednesday, I went to get a new tattoo.  It's something I've wanted for a long time, and now I had a reason. I got together with my tattoo artist and over the course of a couple weeks and several emails, conversations, and tweaks to the piece, she delivered!

My Phoenix. for my Christopher.


  1. When you can, please share this with his mom. I knew KC would love this.