I have loved dance since I was tiny.
I first started dancing when I was three. Hula. :) My mother and I both took Hula lessons.
I always loved dancing on stage...unless, of course, it was a song I hated and then I stood with my arms crossed stubbornly and refused to dance. shaking my head at my teacher who tried to get me to perfome "no. I don't LIKE this song!"
That only happened once.
When I was 8 I started taking ballet. I didn't like some of the disciplines, of course, I wanted to Pirouette and leap across the stage, I wanted to be lifted high into the air by my own personal Cavalier...but discipline is part of what makes a beautiful dancer, and so I practiced my positions and I listened carefully when my Ballet Mistress would instruct us through each move.
I wanted to be the perfect ballerina.
In junior high and high school I opted for dance in place of regular P.E. - I learned a little bit of jazz, and some modern dance. I collaborated with my classmates to choreograph our routines to be performed for recitals, school pep rally...and every time I stepped on stage I felt completely at home.
we moved a few times before I graduated high school...dance was not offered in the small towns we moved to...dancing kind of slipped away from me over the years and turned into...holding my two toddler nieces in my arms while dancing to "Red, Red Wine" - holding my baby boy in my arms and dancing in the living room while Bob Marley sang from my radio - dancing barefoot under the stars at Iroquois Park while Victor Wooten played on stage...
and while it's still dancing...god do I miss the stage sometimes.
and I absolutely LOVE this...The Ballerina Project. because when I see these photos, my heart swoons and in my head I see myself dancing.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Day thirty - I love...Trees
I have loved trees as far back as I can remember.
I was always climbing. I would climb tall trees and hang out in their upper branches, snuggled in among the leaves, watching the world go by below; hidden in my sevret place in the treetops. I climbed small trees and nestled in between the speading curves of their trunks.
Perhaps they assumed they got the best of me when I broke my arm at age 7. But really, I knew it was not the plum tree at fault, it was the silly bee who decided he wanted the same plum I wanted. and the fault of the ground...for meeting me at the wrong angle. The fault was not on the tree.
I used to have dreams that I lived in a tree. Not a tree house, but actually IN the tree. the huge wide trunk was my door, and once opened, it led me down a flight of stairs and into the earth, where the roots wound around and formed a bed for me.
Trees are magical to me. breathing, loving entities.
It's really no wonder that one of my favourite books is Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree. it makes me weep a little every time I read it.
I was always climbing. I would climb tall trees and hang out in their upper branches, snuggled in among the leaves, watching the world go by below; hidden in my sevret place in the treetops. I climbed small trees and nestled in between the speading curves of their trunks.
Perhaps they assumed they got the best of me when I broke my arm at age 7. But really, I knew it was not the plum tree at fault, it was the silly bee who decided he wanted the same plum I wanted. and the fault of the ground...for meeting me at the wrong angle. The fault was not on the tree.
I used to have dreams that I lived in a tree. Not a tree house, but actually IN the tree. the huge wide trunk was my door, and once opened, it led me down a flight of stairs and into the earth, where the roots wound around and formed a bed for me.
Trees are magical to me. breathing, loving entities.
It's really no wonder that one of my favourite books is Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree. it makes me weep a little every time I read it.
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| Me + T |
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Day twenty-nine - I love...branches of TIL
As you know, this daily was inspired by two people. Stephan's Thing a Day Project and Tanya's Things I love in 400 words blog post.
What makes me incredibly happy is that within the first couple weeks of starting my project, three of my friends hopped aboard with their own 365 daily project.
They are beautiful reflections of gratitude and celebration. The are witty, touching, thoughtful, glorious.
Mulligan, Sassy, Kai...I am thrilled that you three took up this challenge, and I love every word you each write. Thank you, not only for making this girl feel like I started something really special, but also for sharing your days with me, through your words, and your love for the people in things in your lives. I don't comment every day, but I read every post!
What makes me incredibly happy is that within the first couple weeks of starting my project, three of my friends hopped aboard with their own 365 daily project.
They are beautiful reflections of gratitude and celebration. The are witty, touching, thoughtful, glorious.
Mulligan, Sassy, Kai...I am thrilled that you three took up this challenge, and I love every word you each write. Thank you, not only for making this girl feel like I started something really special, but also for sharing your days with me, through your words, and your love for the people in things in your lives. I don't comment every day, but I read every post!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Day twenty-eight - I love...memories of my father
A beautiful man I barely knew. A brilliant soul who never reached his full potential.
He died three days before my high school graduation.
I know more about him now than I ever did while he was alive, good and bad.
My dad...I can clearly recall four visits with him.
I cherish those frozen moments.
and I remember a few weeks before he died...his thin frame even thinner...his cheekbones drawn tight. his right eye gone blind - a glassy grey next to the brilliant blue of his left. I said, "I love you, Dad." he said, "I love you too, punkin'."
for a long time I remembered the sound of his voice...but even that is gone now...all I have is those snapshot memories and a small stack of letters...a few photographs and the stories I learn from my mother and my aunt.
but I am happy to have even that little bit.
He died three days before my high school graduation.
I know more about him now than I ever did while he was alive, good and bad.
My dad...I can clearly recall four visits with him.
I cherish those frozen moments.
five years old, a day with my dad. I remember feeling all glowing inside when he introduced me to his co-workers...there was pride in his voice when he said "this is my daughter."
I remember my father cooking spaghetti dinner at my grandparents house one night when I was 10...maybe 12. I was visiting from California and Dad said he wanted to cook me dinner.
I remember having a long talk with him in his hospital room just after my 18th birthday. We talked about Metaphysics, and Love. Fate, Destiny, finding your place in the world, pursuing your dreams.
but I am happy to have even that little bit.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Day twenty-seven - I love...Elan
I'm not usually prone to melancholy; usually a pretty happy person, this girl.
but this past year or so has been a little tougher on me. and I've been more melancholy than I would prefer, for longer than I'd like, and more than I care to admit.
and then there's January. "the january greys." I get them every year. it's the after holiday slump, and the long nights/short days, and the cold, and the rain, and the dreary. it's just so...ugh!
but today...today was a bright sunshine-y day...for me. it started with good news, and then more good news and generally just felt like an all-around happy kind of day. and for the first time in a long time, I felt...pretty fucking blissful, honestly.
and then I stumbled upon this...and it just made my day that much better. I must have listened to this song at least 20 times today. It makes my insides happy...and pulls that happy to the outside...and today...I felt glow-y again.
but this past year or so has been a little tougher on me. and I've been more melancholy than I would prefer, for longer than I'd like, and more than I care to admit.
and then there's January. "the january greys." I get them every year. it's the after holiday slump, and the long nights/short days, and the cold, and the rain, and the dreary. it's just so...ugh!
but today...today was a bright sunshine-y day...for me. it started with good news, and then more good news and generally just felt like an all-around happy kind of day. and for the first time in a long time, I felt...pretty fucking blissful, honestly.
and then I stumbled upon this...and it just made my day that much better. I must have listened to this song at least 20 times today. It makes my insides happy...and pulls that happy to the outside...and today...I felt glow-y again.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Day twenty-six - I love...my midget
My sweet girl; my best friend.
Kaci and I have known each other for about 10 years now. She was the first person I met when I moved to Texas - actually, she interviewed me for my first job in Texas.
I barely have the words to describe what she means to me. Words just seem incredibly pale in the light of what our friendship is, what we've been through together, and the steadfast, unconditional love we have for one another.
perhaps one of the best ways is to refer to a three-part blog I wrote a few years ago...part one...part two...part three. and to simply say...Kacicita...I love you.
You are one of the few people on this whole big earth I would drop everything for...and run to wherever you are...if you needed me.
Kaci and I have known each other for about 10 years now. She was the first person I met when I moved to Texas - actually, she interviewed me for my first job in Texas.
I barely have the words to describe what she means to me. Words just seem incredibly pale in the light of what our friendship is, what we've been through together, and the steadfast, unconditional love we have for one another.
perhaps one of the best ways is to refer to a three-part blog I wrote a few years ago...part one...part two...part three. and to simply say...Kacicita...I love you.
You are one of the few people on this whole big earth I would drop everything for...and run to wherever you are...if you needed me.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Day twenty-five - I love...my muse
She has been uber challenging and inspirational lately.
knocking around in my head, sometimes jumping around in my thoughts and emotions like she is on a trampoline. making me write furiously; passionately.
so much so...I'm pretty confident I'm ready to start pulling together another collection.
of course the next steps are compiling said collection, finding the title, and figuring out my publication route.
but that's all secondary. the most important thing is that I am writing. and I'm proud of what I'm writing. and I am in a place where I am ready to share more of my work. (even though the first run into publishing gave me serious panic attacks)
I WANT to put another collection out into the world. I WANT to read reviews and receive feedback. I WANT to know that my writing is reaching out and touching the people who read it.
because really, to me, the whole wonderful point of being a published poet, are those moments when someone says to me, "You said what I couldn't say. It's like you're in my head, writing my thoughts, my heart, my feelings. thank you!"
knocking around in my head, sometimes jumping around in my thoughts and emotions like she is on a trampoline. making me write furiously; passionately.
so much so...I'm pretty confident I'm ready to start pulling together another collection.
of course the next steps are compiling said collection, finding the title, and figuring out my publication route.
but that's all secondary. the most important thing is that I am writing. and I'm proud of what I'm writing. and I am in a place where I am ready to share more of my work. (even though the first run into publishing gave me serious panic attacks)
I WANT to put another collection out into the world. I WANT to read reviews and receive feedback. I WANT to know that my writing is reaching out and touching the people who read it.
because really, to me, the whole wonderful point of being a published poet, are those moments when someone says to me, "You said what I couldn't say. It's like you're in my head, writing my thoughts, my heart, my feelings. thank you!"
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Day twenty-four - I love...Ferry Boats
One of my most favourite, most wonderful, happy-making things to do...is ride the ferry boat.
It's been the same routine since I was a little girl.
As soon as I'm on the boat I run up the stairs, throw open the heavy doors, race to the back of the boat and watch as we pull away from the dock. Because I have to see the daiquiri ice!
Allow me to explain...when I was little I was allergic to ice cream, but I could have sherbets and ices, so when my mother would take me to Baskin Robbins, I always ordered Daiquiri Ice. It was my favourite.
It was when I was about 6 or 7 years old that I looked at the water churned up by the boat pulling away, and exclaimed to my mother "Mama! look! it's like Daiquiri Ice!"
And it just stuck.
The second part of my ferry boat routine, once we've pulled away from the dock and the boat is done churning up all that lovely sea-foamy water, I high-tail it to the other end of the boat and stand at the front with the wind whipping past my ears until the cold makes me crawl back inside.
It's been the same routine since I was a little girl.
As soon as I'm on the boat I run up the stairs, throw open the heavy doors, race to the back of the boat and watch as we pull away from the dock. Because I have to see the daiquiri ice!
Allow me to explain...when I was little I was allergic to ice cream, but I could have sherbets and ices, so when my mother would take me to Baskin Robbins, I always ordered Daiquiri Ice. It was my favourite.
It was when I was about 6 or 7 years old that I looked at the water churned up by the boat pulling away, and exclaimed to my mother "Mama! look! it's like Daiquiri Ice!"
And it just stuck.
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| Daiquiri Ice! |
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day twenty-three - I love...water
The last few days I've been thinking it would be really great if the weather would warm up enough for me to go down and sit on one of the swing-benches down by the Ohio River.
because I start to get a little bit antsy when I'm not by the water.
Ocean is best.
Lakes are lovely.
Rivers and streams are glorious.
A few of my favourite ocean places: (pictures by me.)
because I start to get a little bit antsy when I'm not by the water.
Ocean is best.
Lakes are lovely.
Rivers and streams are glorious.
A few of my favourite ocean places: (pictures by me.)
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| Picnic Point - Lynnwood, WA |
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| Port Aransas, TX |
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| Port Townsend, WA |
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| Port Townsend, WA |
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Day twenty-two - I love...worn out used up buildings
I've always been fascinated by old, abandoned, worn-out, falling down houses and barns.
they have been worn by time and circumstance, but for some reason, they still stand, on shaky foundations.
and I am awed by the brilliance and determination of nature pushing her way through, because she absolutely will not be stopped.
here, a handful of photos I've taken in the last few years - pieces of a collection I've been compiling.
they have been worn by time and circumstance, but for some reason, they still stand, on shaky foundations.
and I am awed by the brilliance and determination of nature pushing her way through, because she absolutely will not be stopped.
here, a handful of photos I've taken in the last few years - pieces of a collection I've been compiling.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Day twenty-one - I love...the perfect reaction
I like a good reaction.
whether hysterical laughter, shock, whimsy, or the ever wonderful uttering of the word "fuck" at just the perfect moment.
yesterday, in a supreme moment of stress, I lost my shit a little bit. at that precise moment, my friend Beanie walked around the corner to tell me something and caught me with tears threatening to spill...
she stopped. "what?"
I said, "no. tell me what you were going to say."
so she proceeded to tell me the story. she was on the phone with her mother when the phone started cutting out. "mom. the phones breaking up."
and the phone went dead.
a few minutes later her mother called back and Beanie said "mom, I don't know what happened." her mother said, "I do. I got in the car and drove down the road...while talking to you on the house phone."
I laughed my ass off! it was the best possible funny at that moment to ease my tension a bit.
then I shared my bit of stressful news, and B let out the most amazing, beautiful, perfect utterance of the word "fuck" I think I've ever heard.
I said, "yah. you're right. fuuuuuuccccck!"
sometimes, there's just no better word to express an exact feeling. and yesterday, it really was...the perfect word.
whether hysterical laughter, shock, whimsy, or the ever wonderful uttering of the word "fuck" at just the perfect moment.
yesterday, in a supreme moment of stress, I lost my shit a little bit. at that precise moment, my friend Beanie walked around the corner to tell me something and caught me with tears threatening to spill...
she stopped. "what?"
I said, "no. tell me what you were going to say."
so she proceeded to tell me the story. she was on the phone with her mother when the phone started cutting out. "mom. the phones breaking up."
and the phone went dead.
a few minutes later her mother called back and Beanie said "mom, I don't know what happened." her mother said, "I do. I got in the car and drove down the road...while talking to you on the house phone."
I laughed my ass off! it was the best possible funny at that moment to ease my tension a bit.
then I shared my bit of stressful news, and B let out the most amazing, beautiful, perfect utterance of the word "fuck" I think I've ever heard.
I said, "yah. you're right. fuuuuuuccccck!"
sometimes, there's just no better word to express an exact feeling. and yesterday, it really was...the perfect word.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Day nineteen - I love...serendipity
Today it came in the form of accidental, yet apropos, latte art.
a brief explanation:
My step-papa is still in the hospital. it's been a long week of tests and waiting. waiting. waiting. it's had me a bit stressed out. and this afternoon I had a blazing headache and the first twinges of a panic attack lingering on my edges and I decided that I needed more coffee. (which is actually the last thing I need when a panic attack is threatening, but I was using Karen logic today, so...)
I trotted down to our corner Starbucks.
I am greeted by the two sweet, smiling barista girls. I order my coffee. "triple grande two pump mocha no whip, please." SSBG1 says, "sure! we can certainly do that for you! how's your day going?" I shrugged and gave the meh face. "it's been kind of a rough week." SSBG1 gave me a precious look and said "I'm so sorry."
"thank you."
I went to wait for my coffee. grabbed a straw and a sleeve. and I hear SSBG1 say "oh! you have to show that to her. she's had a tough day."
SSBG2 hands me my coffee without the lid. on top...the foam is in the shape of a small heart. she says "it's just the way the foam fell. I wasn't even trying to make latte art. it's accidental latte art."
this made me smile.
a brief explanation:
My step-papa is still in the hospital. it's been a long week of tests and waiting. waiting. waiting. it's had me a bit stressed out. and this afternoon I had a blazing headache and the first twinges of a panic attack lingering on my edges and I decided that I needed more coffee. (which is actually the last thing I need when a panic attack is threatening, but I was using Karen logic today, so...)
I trotted down to our corner Starbucks.
I am greeted by the two sweet, smiling barista girls. I order my coffee. "triple grande two pump mocha no whip, please." SSBG1 says, "sure! we can certainly do that for you! how's your day going?" I shrugged and gave the meh face. "it's been kind of a rough week." SSBG1 gave me a precious look and said "I'm so sorry."
"thank you."
I went to wait for my coffee. grabbed a straw and a sleeve. and I hear SSBG1 say "oh! you have to show that to her. she's had a tough day."
SSBG2 hands me my coffee without the lid. on top...the foam is in the shape of a small heart. she says "it's just the way the foam fell. I wasn't even trying to make latte art. it's accidental latte art."
this made me smile.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Day eighteen - I love...quotes
simple little lines that sum up a moment, a feeling, a memory.
I have three or four journals full of quotes I've been writing down since I was about 13. They might be lyrics from a song, part of a book I've read, a line from a poem - famous quotes, obscure quotes. or something a friend said that struck me as pure brilliance - which of course, must always be recorded.
I'd love to share all my favourites with you, but alas, that would take up pages and pages...so instead, I will share a small handful.
I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey work of the stars. ~ Walt Whitman
If love is blind, and god is love, and Ray Charles is blind, then god plays the piano. ~ unknown
I have an existential map. It has "you are here" written all over it. ~ Steven Wright
I like Geography best, he said, because your mountains and rivers know the secret. Pay no attention to boundaries. ~ Brian Andreas
No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved. ~ Alice Seybold
If I love you, it must be because we have shared at some time the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage. ~ Anais Nin
and I will stop here for now...because really, I can keep going. Perhaps I will share more in a later post.
I have three or four journals full of quotes I've been writing down since I was about 13. They might be lyrics from a song, part of a book I've read, a line from a poem - famous quotes, obscure quotes. or something a friend said that struck me as pure brilliance - which of course, must always be recorded.
I'd love to share all my favourites with you, but alas, that would take up pages and pages...so instead, I will share a small handful.
I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey work of the stars. ~ Walt Whitman
If love is blind, and god is love, and Ray Charles is blind, then god plays the piano. ~ unknown
I have an existential map. It has "you are here" written all over it. ~ Steven Wright
I like Geography best, he said, because your mountains and rivers know the secret. Pay no attention to boundaries. ~ Brian Andreas
No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved. ~ Alice Seybold
If I love you, it must be because we have shared at some time the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage. ~ Anais Nin
and I will stop here for now...because really, I can keep going. Perhaps I will share more in a later post.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Day seventeen - I love...laughter
especially on rough days, when it is harder to come by. amazing what a touch of laughter can do to ease your soul...even just a little bit...even for just a moment.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Day sixteen - I love...family
so the scary news of today is that my step-papa spent all day in the emergency room having tests run with the looming possibility of surgery.
the latest news is that they are admitting him and keeping him overnight for observation and re-evaluating tomorrow to see what the next step is. I guess I should be glad that the doctors are not just rushing in to cut him open, but we'd like to know what's going on. unanswered questions fuel stress and concern.
On the bright side, because of this, I've been able to talk to my family today. my mom, my sister, all three of my nieces, and a brief conversation with my pain-medicated step-papa, who I told in true daughter to papa fashion "I love you, you big asshole!" (if you knew our relationship, you would know that this is a totally normal statement.)
My mother and I usually talk at least once a week, but my nieces and sister and I have fewer conversations, and even though the circumstances were shitty and scary, it was more than wonderful to hear their voices.
the latest news is that they are admitting him and keeping him overnight for observation and re-evaluating tomorrow to see what the next step is. I guess I should be glad that the doctors are not just rushing in to cut him open, but we'd like to know what's going on. unanswered questions fuel stress and concern.
On the bright side, because of this, I've been able to talk to my family today. my mom, my sister, all three of my nieces, and a brief conversation with my pain-medicated step-papa, who I told in true daughter to papa fashion "I love you, you big asshole!" (if you knew our relationship, you would know that this is a totally normal statement.)
My mother and I usually talk at least once a week, but my nieces and sister and I have fewer conversations, and even though the circumstances were shitty and scary, it was more than wonderful to hear their voices.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Day fifteen - I love...Inspiration
The inspiration for this daily project came from Stephan Cox, who decided to run a creative marathon in 2011 in an effort to jump-start his creativity and push his creative boundaries. I followed the Thing a Day Project nearly religiously, looked forward to every post this creative man would make, even got pulled into the race with a collaboration or two.
It was his project that made me first consider doing a daily project of my own, even as I battled through the almost overwhelming fear of committing to something that big. (well...coupled with the fact that he straight up said "Karen, you're doing this in 2012!" to which I replied, "I'd love to! but maybe I'll just do thing a week, or thing a month." but I knew that it was all or nothing. thing a week or thing a month was a cop-out. it was me finding excuses and if I was going to do this challenge, I was going to have to go for the whole gigantic enchilada.)
The second part of the inspiration for this daily came from Tanya Geisler when she posted this blog, which prompted me to post this one to my weekly writing prompt. and as 2012 crept closer, a little light went off in me head...and the project started coming together. of course, I procrastinated. I considered turfing the whole idea.
and then Stephan posted his final TAD on December 31st. And when I saw my name, a small voice said "do it, Karen." so I hurried over to blogger to get this thing rolling, took a deep breath, and got ready to run!
And the absolutely amazing thing? to me at least...I'm doing it! I'm sitting at my computer every day and posting something. It's not just a challenge of my level of commitment, it is a challenge to me as a writer - I've never been a write every day girl (and I totally should be!) It challenges me to look for the good in each day, to find something beautiful or happy-making.
and...it's totally worth it!
It was his project that made me first consider doing a daily project of my own, even as I battled through the almost overwhelming fear of committing to something that big. (well...coupled with the fact that he straight up said "Karen, you're doing this in 2012!" to which I replied, "I'd love to! but maybe I'll just do thing a week, or thing a month." but I knew that it was all or nothing. thing a week or thing a month was a cop-out. it was me finding excuses and if I was going to do this challenge, I was going to have to go for the whole gigantic enchilada.)
The second part of the inspiration for this daily came from Tanya Geisler when she posted this blog, which prompted me to post this one to my weekly writing prompt. and as 2012 crept closer, a little light went off in me head...and the project started coming together. of course, I procrastinated. I considered turfing the whole idea.
and then Stephan posted his final TAD on December 31st. And when I saw my name, a small voice said "do it, Karen." so I hurried over to blogger to get this thing rolling, took a deep breath, and got ready to run!
And the absolutely amazing thing? to me at least...I'm doing it! I'm sitting at my computer every day and posting something. It's not just a challenge of my level of commitment, it is a challenge to me as a writer - I've never been a write every day girl (and I totally should be!) It challenges me to look for the good in each day, to find something beautiful or happy-making.
and...it's totally worth it!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Day fourteen - I love...my books
I have a fabulous collection of books.
unfortunately, at the moment, a large part of that collection is in a storage unit in Texas. for the past year. and that makes me a little bit sad. but this blog is about what makes me happy and not what makes me sad.
The other day my best friend's husband sent me a link, because he knows just how much I love my books. And a library like this one is a dream I've held since I was young and in pigtails. One day, I hope to have a wall to wall to wall to wall floor to ceiling library. with a window seat full of soft pillows and warm throws and a lovely desk with a fat comfy chair to write at.
one day...
unfortunately, at the moment, a large part of that collection is in a storage unit in Texas. for the past year. and that makes me a little bit sad. but this blog is about what makes me happy and not what makes me sad.
The other day my best friend's husband sent me a link, because he knows just how much I love my books. And a library like this one is a dream I've held since I was young and in pigtails. One day, I hope to have a wall to wall to wall to wall floor to ceiling library. with a window seat full of soft pillows and warm throws and a lovely desk with a fat comfy chair to write at.
one day...
Friday, January 13, 2012
Day thirteen - I love...the gift of poetry
I am a poet.
have been since about age 12, when writing grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me hard and said, "Whatever else you will be or not be, you will be this! first and foremost, a poet!"
and that is what I am.
my writing has grown and blossomed in the years since I first placed pen on paper.
I am often in awe of what I've written, as though I've been in a momentary trance, channeling the stars, taking bits of dust and nebula and building worlds. I sometimes read what I've penned and think to myself, "wow! I wrote that!?"
I write other things: blogs (obviously) essays, short stories, beginnings of novels...and those are all written on the screens of my computer...but poetry...poetry is always pen to paper. letters forming words, racing across the page, scribbles and cross-outs, and arrows drawn for lines that need to move further up or down the page...only after this furious frenzy are they typed up and saved in the digital.
In 2010, a long-held dream was realised in the publication of my first collection of poetry, Three Thousand Doors. It was terrifying, and a bit surreal. it was amazing and thrilling. Thank you to Laughing Cactus Press for helping make one of my dreams come true.
here, a piece from that collection:
Dandelion
Souls are like seeds.
Some find purchase
in the first soil that may beckon.
Others
ride bareback on the wind,
wild and drifting
until they find
the place they belong.
have been since about age 12, when writing grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me hard and said, "Whatever else you will be or not be, you will be this! first and foremost, a poet!"
and that is what I am.
my writing has grown and blossomed in the years since I first placed pen on paper.
I am often in awe of what I've written, as though I've been in a momentary trance, channeling the stars, taking bits of dust and nebula and building worlds. I sometimes read what I've penned and think to myself, "wow! I wrote that!?"
I write other things: blogs (obviously) essays, short stories, beginnings of novels...and those are all written on the screens of my computer...but poetry...poetry is always pen to paper. letters forming words, racing across the page, scribbles and cross-outs, and arrows drawn for lines that need to move further up or down the page...only after this furious frenzy are they typed up and saved in the digital.
In 2010, a long-held dream was realised in the publication of my first collection of poetry, Three Thousand Doors. It was terrifying, and a bit surreal. it was amazing and thrilling. Thank you to Laughing Cactus Press for helping make one of my dreams come true.
here, a piece from that collection:
Dandelion
Souls are like seeds.
Some find purchase
in the first soil that may beckon.
Others
ride bareback on the wind,
wild and drifting
until they find
the place they belong.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Day twelve - I love...The Bloggess
In the summer of 2011 I stumbled across this fantastical little gem of absolute brilliance.
and then I promptly forgot about it.
a few weeks ago, my friend Carey and I were talking blogs, and she said, "have you read the one about Beyoncé, the giant metal chicken?" and I was all, "No." So she sent me a link, and I squealed with delight and said "Ohmygawd! I HAVE read this one! I laughed my ass off!"
And this is when my fast and furious love of Jenny Lawson burst into existence, like a freakin' solar flare, y'all. I have been reading her blog from the very beginning - sometimes giggling or guffawing, sometimes crying.
She is raw and uncensored; clever, witty, fearless, amazing. and I just absolutely love her! It makes me kind of wish I still lived in Texas so I could email her and invite her to coffee. or wine.
Jenny, you had me at knock-knock.
and then I promptly forgot about it.
a few weeks ago, my friend Carey and I were talking blogs, and she said, "have you read the one about Beyoncé, the giant metal chicken?" and I was all, "No." So she sent me a link, and I squealed with delight and said "Ohmygawd! I HAVE read this one! I laughed my ass off!"
And this is when my fast and furious love of Jenny Lawson burst into existence, like a freakin' solar flare, y'all. I have been reading her blog from the very beginning - sometimes giggling or guffawing, sometimes crying.
She is raw and uncensored; clever, witty, fearless, amazing. and I just absolutely love her! It makes me kind of wish I still lived in Texas so I could email her and invite her to coffee. or wine.
Jenny, you had me at knock-knock.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Day eleven - I love...funny conversations
part of the conversation between me and my sweetheart early this morning as I straightened my hair and dusted shadow on my eyelids:
brief mention of politics. presidential candidates. blah blah blah. Libertarian party comes up...
Me: Harry Brown is a Libertarian who was aiming for the Presidency...why didn't people hop on board with that?
He: Harry Brown? You mean the Michael Caine character in the movie of the same name.
Me: Maybe his name wasn't Harry Brown. It was Harry something.
He: Well when was he vying for the Presidency?
Me: two thousand...something
He: I've never heard of him
Me: Just because you've never heard of him doesn't mean he doesn't exist. He just may exist under a totally different name.
brief mention of politics. presidential candidates. blah blah blah. Libertarian party comes up...
Me: Harry Brown is a Libertarian who was aiming for the Presidency...why didn't people hop on board with that?
He: Harry Brown? You mean the Michael Caine character in the movie of the same name.
Me: Maybe his name wasn't Harry Brown. It was Harry something.
He: Well when was he vying for the Presidency?
Me: two thousand...something
He: I've never heard of him
Me: Just because you've never heard of him doesn't mean he doesn't exist. He just may exist under a totally different name.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Day ten - I love...the prospect of travel
I may be going to Dublin or Paris this spring!
Things are still in the tentative stage. several things need to fall into place before this plan is a go. but...
I may be going to Dublin or Paris!!!
p.s. if Paris is the go...you can count on the fact that I will walk through the streets of Paris singing "I love Paris in the springtime..." oh yes...that will most certainly be me. but Dublin...OH! I hope it's Dublin!
Things are still in the tentative stage. several things need to fall into place before this plan is a go. but...
I may be going to Dublin or Paris!!!
p.s. if Paris is the go...you can count on the fact that I will walk through the streets of Paris singing "I love Paris in the springtime..." oh yes...that will most certainly be me. but Dublin...OH! I hope it's Dublin!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Day nine - I love...Blue October
They're "my band." You know, the one you see in concert every chance you get, the one that speaks to you clearly, the one you blast at full volume.
Blue October. lyrics. sound. voice. VIOLIN!!!
I love them. I love Justin Furstenfeld's ability to put his life into song. pain. anguish. anxiety. bright moments. He is honest and brutal in his music...and to me, that is astounding and beautiful. poetry through music.
One of my favourite songs has always been "Inner Glow." I've loved it since the first moment I heard it, but this past weekend, it really reached out to me when I was having a bad day. Feeling frustrated. sad. and a little discombobulated. It was an excellent reminder to me...when I'm down, I don't stay down long, and I am in charge!
...In a haze the beginning of your days
Gonna fall down
Got to get back up but at your own pace
Got to fill your cup and find the way out of your own maze...
...I'm on your side if you fail at least you tried
To keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alive
and pride don't keep it all inside
Don't keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alone
Write your own song...
Oh yah...I'm writing my song...
Blue October. lyrics. sound. voice. VIOLIN!!!
I love them. I love Justin Furstenfeld's ability to put his life into song. pain. anguish. anxiety. bright moments. He is honest and brutal in his music...and to me, that is astounding and beautiful. poetry through music.
One of my favourite songs has always been "Inner Glow." I've loved it since the first moment I heard it, but this past weekend, it really reached out to me when I was having a bad day. Feeling frustrated. sad. and a little discombobulated. It was an excellent reminder to me...when I'm down, I don't stay down long, and I am in charge!
...In a haze the beginning of your days
Gonna fall down
Got to get back up but at your own pace
Got to fill your cup and find the way out of your own maze...
...I'm on your side if you fail at least you tried
To keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alive
and pride don't keep it all inside
Don't keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alone
Write your own song...
Oh yah...I'm writing my song...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Day eight – I love...Sunday morning silence
Quiet mornings of creativity.
Those moments in writing when the words flow like molten rock. When I crank out a handful of poems that are almost perfect. When the silence is not oppressive, but rather, a means to navigate the passages in my mind. When the demons of my day have not yet crept in to cloud my thoughts and bring on panic attacks.
Apologies. Frank Turner actually sings about Monday Morning in "St. Christopher is Coming Home." But he also has a song “Sunday Nights.” It seems I blended the two for a moment.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Day seven - I love...Red
I'm not talking about the colour - though it's quite fabulous and one of my faves - I'm talking about my sassy redhead, one of my best-of-the-best best friends, who called me today - to check on me, remind me of a few things I sometimes let myself forget, and to tell me she loves me and that I, too, am one of the best-of-the-best.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Day six - I love...62 degrees in January
yep. It reached 62 today. Spring-like weather in the midst of winter.
I'd be perfectly content if it remained in the 50's and 60's until March. you know, when Spring actually arrives. and then it can creep up a little bit...to...like...70.
I just don't do very well when it's biting cold. nor when it's blazing hot. somewhere between, say...60 and 80. that's the perfect temp range for a girl like me.
Thank you, Spring-ish weather, for making me a happy girl today.
I'd be perfectly content if it remained in the 50's and 60's until March. you know, when Spring actually arrives. and then it can creep up a little bit...to...like...70.
I just don't do very well when it's biting cold. nor when it's blazing hot. somewhere between, say...60 and 80. that's the perfect temp range for a girl like me.
Thank you, Spring-ish weather, for making me a happy girl today.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day five - I love...Stella
My sweet, camera-shy Calico.
I had planned to post a picture of her sweet face to go along with this post, but when I got my camera in hand and turned toward Stella...she ran away...and HID under a chair!
I did not love this cat at first.
I mean, she's ridiculously sweet, and super soft and darling, but she's not my cat. She and her mama are borrowed cats. Foster cats.
I took them in for a friend of a friend who needed a place to take her cats so she wouldn't have to take them to the pound. They are older cats and she was worried they would be put down. Well...it's not like I could let that happen.
This was back in August. Life happens, and she wasn't able to take her cats back, so I started looking for a new home for the two girls. and they started acting really weird, like they knew!
Things changed and we decided to keep them, but they needed new names - they had very ill-fitting names. Just...not good. And I know there's a big ol' superstition about re-naming cats, but I don't subscribe to superstition. So new names came.
Stella. and Gypsy (short for Gypsy Rose Lee)
Sometime in the past month or so, Stella has become MY cat. She is incredibly verbal and will start "talking" to me the minute I get home. She kneads me and gets in my face and climbs as high up on my chest as she can, but she hates to cuddle if she's not the one to initiate it...it's very endearing, and I can't help but love her.
p.s. she let me take a picture...but she wasn't very happy about it.
I had planned to post a picture of her sweet face to go along with this post, but when I got my camera in hand and turned toward Stella...she ran away...and HID under a chair!
I did not love this cat at first.
I mean, she's ridiculously sweet, and super soft and darling, but she's not my cat. She and her mama are borrowed cats. Foster cats.
I took them in for a friend of a friend who needed a place to take her cats so she wouldn't have to take them to the pound. They are older cats and she was worried they would be put down. Well...it's not like I could let that happen.
This was back in August. Life happens, and she wasn't able to take her cats back, so I started looking for a new home for the two girls. and they started acting really weird, like they knew!
Things changed and we decided to keep them, but they needed new names - they had very ill-fitting names. Just...not good. And I know there's a big ol' superstition about re-naming cats, but I don't subscribe to superstition. So new names came.
Stella. and Gypsy (short for Gypsy Rose Lee)
Sometime in the past month or so, Stella has become MY cat. She is incredibly verbal and will start "talking" to me the minute I get home. She kneads me and gets in my face and climbs as high up on my chest as she can, but she hates to cuddle if she's not the one to initiate it...it's very endearing, and I can't help but love her.
p.s. she let me take a picture...but she wasn't very happy about it.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Day four - I love...my Mama
I'm one of those lucky individuals...I count my Mother as one of my best friends.
We never shared clothes or anything...not that kind of best friend...she's just one of the people in my life who loves me unconditionally, accepts me as I am (tattoos and all - even though she hates them,) has wonderful words of encouragement for me when I'm in dark corners, laughs with me, cries with me, and listens when I just need a sounding board. Everything a best friend does.
Having said that...I will also say...I would go to bat for my mother any day. When life tries to beat her to a pulp, I lift her up and make her laugh...when disappointments threaten to shake her foundation, I remind her that she is a rock who has weathered stronger storms. And when wriggly little parasites try to worm their way into her soul, I am the first to firebomb those little bastards. Don't mess with my Mama! This baby bear can be vicious!
I love you, Mama. Two Trees.
We never shared clothes or anything...not that kind of best friend...she's just one of the people in my life who loves me unconditionally, accepts me as I am (tattoos and all - even though she hates them,) has wonderful words of encouragement for me when I'm in dark corners, laughs with me, cries with me, and listens when I just need a sounding board. Everything a best friend does.
Having said that...I will also say...I would go to bat for my mother any day. When life tries to beat her to a pulp, I lift her up and make her laugh...when disappointments threaten to shake her foundation, I remind her that she is a rock who has weathered stronger storms. And when wriggly little parasites try to worm their way into her soul, I am the first to firebomb those little bastards. Don't mess with my Mama! This baby bear can be vicious!
I love you, Mama. Two Trees.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Day three - I love...Trader Joe's
My sweetheart put a smile on my face tonight when he said, "hey, should we run by Trader Joe's?"
Ohmygawsh, YES!
I have been a TJ's girl since my early 20's, and Louisville recently acquired my favourite grocery store, which makes me absolutely ecstatic!
$25 later, we have our next four meals, a few snacks and...SPANIKOPITA!!! (if you don't know what Spanikopita is...spinach and feta wrapped in phyllo dough. ummmmm....heaven!)
gotta run...dinner's ready! :)
Ohmygawsh, YES!
I have been a TJ's girl since my early 20's, and Louisville recently acquired my favourite grocery store, which makes me absolutely ecstatic!
$25 later, we have our next four meals, a few snacks and...SPANIKOPITA!!! (if you don't know what Spanikopita is...spinach and feta wrapped in phyllo dough. ummmmm....heaven!)
gotta run...dinner's ready! :)
Monday, January 2, 2012
Day two - I Love...Dan Fogelberg
It's true.
One of my earliest memories of music touching me in a way that evoked emotion was when I first heard "Leader of the Band," by Dan Fogelberg.
I was 8 years old. My mother and I were in the car driving home after my ice skating lessons at SnoKing Ice Arena (which according to my latest Google search, appears to have been renamed Lynnwood Ice Arena. sigh.)
A song came on the radio. I remember listening very intently. My ears squished up against the speaker so I could hear every word. The song made me cry; it moved me.
It still does. Every time I hear it.
This afternoon - on my way to get coffee :) - I was flipping through the stations on my XM and caught the last few lines of Joni Mitchell's "Chelsea Morning." As the song ended, and I prepared to punch the search button again, the first few notes of "Leader of the Band" started to play, and I smiled, and turned up the volume. I sang along, of course. I always do. My soul eased and quieted for a moment, as that voice, that music, those words, took me back in time. I pulled into the parking lot of my favourite coffee shop, and sat in my car, listening, until the song was over.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Day One - I Love...Coffee
This is actually a 4-part love. This love, in no particular order:
1. This is my favourite coffee mug. When I was leaving Texas and sorting through all my possessions deciding what could go into storage and what absolutely HAD to come with me, this mug was carefully wrapped up in tissue and packed away safely into the "things that MUST come with!" box.
2. This mug, this most-important-must-have-it-with-me-mug, was a birthday gift several years ago, from one of my very best friends. (This is one of the many reasons I love this mug like I do.)
3. It's my writing mug. One of the things that makes it so special is that my darling friend thought of me the moment she saw it. It is covered in caricatures of Mary Shelley, Emily Dickinson, Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, and Louisa May Alcott. Great women writers; Inspiration.
4. The cup is filled with delicious hot coffee! (Need I really say more?) I have loved coffee since before I can even remember. Coffee-flavoured candies, coffee ice cream, COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE. I was a barista for a time, that was fantastic...I practically bathed in coffee during that year or so.
Thank you, Coffee, for being so delicious that I want to start each day with you.
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